Finding
Happiness in Recovery
 |
| Finding Happiness in Recovery |
Sad, depressed,
bored. That’s how many “normal” people think recovering addicts
must feel. This, actually, couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Anyone who visits an AA meeting or meets a former addict who is
active in the recovery community might be in for a pleasant surprise.
Recovering addicts and alcoholics are “not a glum lot,” as they
say in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. They are happy, content,
and have found new, profound meaning in their lives.
That’s not to say
that everything is rainbows and unicorns for recovered alcoholics.
Trials and hardships are a part of everyone’s life. The difference
is that people in active recovery have tools for coping and a support
system that helps them through the tough times. As one recovering
addict said, “It’s too bad everyone doesn’t have AA. The
12 steps and the fellowship make for a beautiful way of life.”Here are some of the reasons people in recovery find happiness:
1. Recovering
addicts have been to “hell and back”:
Addiction is a fatal
disease. It takes away everything that matters most in life: health,
relationships, a way to make a living, and any sense of self-worth.
If someone is able to escape the relentless cycle of addiction, he or
she is immensely grateful to be alive. Once someone is willing to “do
the work,” namely going to AA meetings and doing the 12 steps,
wonderful things begin to happen.2. Fellowship and community offer strength and guidance.
Addiction is a
disease of isolation. Nearly all of us have cut ourselves off from
friends and family in the final days of our addiction. Alcoholics
Anonymous offers companionship, openness, and mentorship to those of
us who formerly felt alone in the world.
The companionship
experienced in AA meetings can give us the comfort we missed while in
our addiction. “Going to AA meetings with all those happy shiny
people was really hard for me at first,” relates one woman, “but
after a while I started looking forward to seeing my new friends.”As
someone becomes more comfortable in AA meetings, they often feel a
camaraderie and kinship they haven’t felt in a long time.
Also, the policy of
open sharing in AA meetings can be cathartic as we learn to express
our feelings. We are sharing emotions and thoughts with people who
understand and have been where we are. The fellowship of Alcoholics
Anonymous can become like group therapy. “This is the best deal in
town,” relates one AA member. “It’s way cheaper than my shrink
and it works much faster!”
Finally, the
concept of sponsorship in Alcoholics Anonymous provides us with
personal guidance and support. A sponsor becomes your personal guide
through the 12 Steps and is there to lend an ear when you need to
talk. You are supported by someone who understands what its like to
be at the mercy of drug or alcohol addiction and has come out at the
other side. When we have a sponsor, we learn to ask for help when we
need it. This is a wonderful practice in the outside world as well.
3. We learn that giving is the key
One of the main
tenets of recovery is helping others. A great deal of freedom comes
from doing the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. The final step is to
help those who also want to quit drinking or doing drugs. We give
others the chance that we were given by sponsoring newcomers, giving
rides, doing service work, helping in any way we can.
Helping others makes
us happy as well. This works in many ways. First of all, when helping
others, we can “get out of our own head.” Focusing on the needs
of someone else diverts out attention from the things that might be
bothering us. Also, working with newcomers can make our recovery more
powerful. As we relate to those who are new, we see how much we have
grown and are immensely grateful and more resolved to stay sober. For
many, working to help other alcoholics and addicts is the first time
they feel a sense of purpose and meaning in life. The things they
were missing most of their lives come to them when they shift their
attention away from their own problems.
4. Acceptance of the things we cannot change
The courage to
change the things I can,
and the wisdom to
know the difference.
This is the Serenity
Prayer, which is spoken at the beginning of every AA meeting.
For many, acceptance
of what is RIGHT NOW in life is at the core of happiness and
serenity. This concept is integral to many Eastern philosophies like
Buddhism and Taoism. Modern spiritual teachers like Eckhart Tolle and
Deepak Choprah also stress the importance of acceptance. We stop
trying to change external circumstances and control events and other
people. The things that people in recovery try to change are
internal, like character flaws and response to stress. Many have
found that when the way they look at events and situations
changes, their feelings about external situations change. Perception
really does determine experience, and it all begins with acceptance.
5. Freedom from
the past...and the future
In recovery, one of the first things we learn is to release the
future. Sayings like “just for today” and “one day at a time”
reiterate that recovery is accomplished in a succession of small
steps. Looking at an unknown future can be daunting, but nearly
everyone can hold on for one day, or even, at first, one hour. After
a while, we accumulate some sober time and learn that the “one day
at a time” perspective can be useful when facing other obstacles in
life. We learn that worrying about events in the future doesn’t
really help the outcome and just adds unnecessary stress. Facing
problems incrementally allows us to stay level-headed and focused.
Active recovery can
free someone from the past too. The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
help the individual look at their resentments, fears, patterns of
behavior and guilt for past actions. Once someone has started step 9,
they are actively facing the things they did for their past and
making amends to those harmed. Although this sounds scary, the
feeling of release is immense. They are no longer bound to the past
and can use their energy to be the person they want to be. We
experience a “new freedom and a new happiness,” as the Big Book
promises.
In conclusion, we
see that recovering addicts can be as happy or even happier than
“normal” people. A sense of purpose, community and support come
with the fellowship with others who have been to the depths of
addiction. We, who have been isolated and desperate, are no longer
alone. Also, by doing the 12 steps, we learn to “clean house” and
face life with a new perspective. As we make patient spiritual and
emotional progress, our feeling of usefulness and self-worth grows.
Many in recovery feel that they are “the lucky ones.” We are
given a new way of life far better than anything we could have
imagined. Our past, however painful, becomes our greatest gift.
